Archive for 2010/05

Twilight: The Graphic Novel - 12:14PM, 2010/05/18

So, I have this automatic reaction to things that are overhyped — I instantly develop an aversion to seeing or reading them (this mostly applies to television, movies and books). Sometimes this can be avoided if I see/read/watch the thing before the hype attains mammoth proportions (as with Harry Potter).

Once in a while, even if something is promoted to the point of disgust, I’ll eventually think that maybe I should take a look at it, just so I can have an informed (and hopefully negative) opinion.

But everything I’ve heard about the Twilight series told me it was just so awful and ridiculous that it wasn’t even worth it to spend the 2 hours it would take to watch the movie.

So I haven’t read the books and I haven’t seen the movies. But I pretty much know the broad outlines of the plot, because a) it’s not exactly original and b) it’s been so pervasive it’s nearly impossible to avoid absorbing at least some partial knowledge of it.

Anyway, I found out they were adapting Twilight (and presumably the rest of the series) into a graphic novel. Why? Presumably to force everyone to buy it again so they can make more money. And if people want to buy it again, I can’t really blame them for taking advantage of the fact. I decided that we’d finally come to a format where the length of time it would take to read it was an amount of time I was willing to sacrifice out of my life.

My running commentary as I read [unfortunately, the book does not have page numbers].

And so.

Image 1: a partial face, female, her mouth open
Image 2: someone’s crotch

An auspicious beginning.

Ah, Bella the martyr. I have to leave, because mom needs her space, but I don’t want to go and I’m making a Big Sacrifice Here People. LOOK AT ME.

Wow, you bought me a truck dad? How nice of you. Too bad it’s old and I hate it here even though it was my idea. Sigh. *more passive-aggressive crap*. ADMIRE ME.

You’re so cool Bella, calling your dad Charlie. That’s a real mark of maturity.

If there’s “only” 357 students, why the hell do you need a map?

Ohnoes!! People are being nice to me! I better whine about this too.

Whatever Bella. Your name may be common now, but the names are hardly any more odd than yours would have been when you were born. (Aside: in tv shows, books and movies which star people my age, why are there hardly any characters named Jennifer? That is totally unrealistic.)

Soda at lunch? Calling Jamie Oliver! What kind of school sells giant bottles of soda at lunch?

OMG! How did you know to call me Bella?! Did you hear the 355 other students in the school calling me that or CAN YOU READ MINDS?!?!?!?! So creepy! And yet somehow, hot. PITY ME.

How dare you besmirch my martyrdom?

Is this supposed to be flirting?
I’m easy to read
No, you’re actually hard to read, I’m just awesome.

…the safety hazards that dancing presented? What?

You’d think someone hundreds of years old would be more mature than a whiny-ass teenager, but clearly not.

I’m tired of trying to stay away from you Bella.
Wow, Edward. 6 whole weeks! If the groundhog hadn’t seen his shadow, would you have managed even that long?

Strike a pose, Edward.

I’m annoyed this book has no page #s.

Look up vampires on the internet. Somehow the sites she found were far too heavy on the information and far too light on the slashy fanfiction.

In too deep? Dude, you’ve talked to him for like 5 minutes.

Ah, now we find Edward’s problem. Ha ha. How long have you been 17? What an awful curse. Forget turning sparkly in the sun, he has to be 17 forever.

How did Bella survive to age 16 if she is constantly needing to be rescued like this? She didn’t need to leave Phoenix because of her mom, she was probably thrown out for destroying too much of the city.

And now they’re in LUV. Awwww. Except Bella had to tell us, ’cause it sure as hell didn’t come through any other way.

And after all that, it’s only half the book! Work faster, Korean artist. Even though you don’t even own the copyright to your own drawings.